When you first start trying to conceive, you think it will be as easy as ABC. You’ve stopped using contraception, you’re following all the rules, you expect to fall pregnant almost immediately… right? From your very first sex education lesson you’re taught to always use contraception or you’ll get pregnant. The ovulation window and all the possible fertility problems aren’t ever mentioned; irregular periods, intense pains, signs of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), all issues you only become aware of when you have them. Then, when you don’t get pregnant, it becomes something that consumes you. I never expected to be infertile, however here I am, without Fallopian tubes blogging my journey and sharing all things ovary with the world. This is how my life turned out. I have blogged about how my life has changed, how my marriage was impacted and I hit the lowest point emotionally – a feeling I never thought possible and never want to go back to. Since having my Fallopian tubes removed in March I have been on a mission to turn my outlook around and I have finally reached a point of, somewhat, peace. I have turned to the law of attraction and my mindset has done a total 180. I want to share with you how you can do the same, whether it be your outlook on your infertility or life in general, using the law of attraction.
One of the most frustrating things people have said to me during this journey is: “Just relax. Just relax and it will happen. You’re thinking about it too much.” Queue blog post about the most frustrating things people say when you are TRYING to conceive. However, what if I told you there was some truth in these pain staking, I want to shove a sock in your mouth words? I am not saying that if you relax, it will work. It didn’t work for me. My perception, however, has changed because of this.
Take baby making out of the equation. Think about a time you’ve had to learn something new. Whether it was riding a bike, long division, writing, a new job, you name it, think about it. I’ll use writing as an example. You’re sat in your GCSE English lesson and your teacher tells you that you need to write a dramatic monologue; you don’t know where to start. You’re stressed, you’re staring at your laptop screen and you have total writers block. Everything you write is rubbish. The more stressed you become, the more you believe you can’t do it, the more you fail. The more you stress about something, the harder it becomes and the more likely you are to fail.
A friend of my husband’s once told him the reason that him and his wife believe their IVF worked first time was because of her positivity. That struck a chord with me. There I was, crying on the bathroom floor, throwing chairs across the kitchen in frustration, yet there was her, this new Mum, who had been through it all and yet kept her head up high when it mattered. I wanted to be like her.
The law of attraction works in funny ways. There is a difference between wanting something and needing something. At what point does that desire become desperation? The law of attraction is not about desperation; it is about positive and negative thoughts attracting positive and negative experiences in your life.
When it comes to infertility, it is incredibly hard to stay positive. It is easy to start IVF and be more concerned with the fact it might not work than the fact it might. You’re desperate for it to work. The universe is hearing the desperation, the lack of baby, the fear; that is what is responds with. All of your energy it focusing on what you don’t have as opposed to what you do. My mantra used to be expect the worst and everything else is a bonus. I was attracting the negative because that’s what I was focussed on. We all have that friend who is consistently negative, always a bit touchy; the bad luck seems to just happen to them. Then there’s the friend who is always positive, happy go lucky, who always seems to excel. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
My mindset has changed. Yours can too. Whether my IVF works first time or not, I am yet to find out. However, I cannot spend my life being bitter, angry and feeling let down by the world. I have allowed myself to feel that way and it did me no favours whatsoever. Instead of thinking I need this to happen, I now think it will happen. Rather than spending your time thinking about how you should be pregnant, how you don’t know how you’ll cope if it never happens and how you’re so jealous of Bill and Jill who have just had their newborn, think about how you will feel when you’re handed your baby. Think of the positive.
A friend of mine recently told me that her and her partner were trying for a baby. She didn’t know how to tell me so had put off doing so; she didn’t know how I would react. 6 months ago I wouldn’t have known how to react. My reaction surprised us both; I was over the moon with the news. Rather than worrying about how our friendship would be impacted if it worked for her immediately, how I would cope being around a pregnant friend, I felt excited for her to embark on this journey. I felt excited that regardless of what position I’m in when it happens, I could support my friend on her journey. I could utilise her potential pregnancy by finding out what she does to help morning sickness, what car seats she picks, how she manages her symptoms and her favourite bras when her boobs get sore. I would know all the answers for when I get pregnant. My immediate reaction was that it was so exciting because we will have children together. Whether her child is 6 weeks, 6 years or 16, we will support each other. This was a huge stepping stone for me.
It’s so easy to be jealous. It’s so easy to hate your body and eat the comfort food. It’s natural to spend your nights crying and thinking this is never going to happen to you. However, feeling that way is draining. It sucks all your energy and it makes you feel useless. Trust me when I say it takes so much less energy to be positive, to change your mindset from “I’ve got cramps, my period is coming and it’s not going to work” to “I might get to tell my husband I’m pregnant this week!”. Change your thought process from “Aunt Flo is here, another reminder I can’t get pregnant naturally” to, “My period is here, I’ve ovulated and this means IVF can work for me!”, or “Great, another pregnant friend who can rub my face in their fertile aroma” to, “This is so exciting. They don’t have to go through what I’ve been through and it’s another friend who can support me when it happens!”.
Positive energy attracts positive results. IVF might not work for me first time; there are no guarantees, but what is guaranteed is that I will learn from my experiences and use them to benefit me. I know more about my body and my cycle than I ever have before and one day, I will be a Mum. I will get pregnant and I will have a child I love with all my heart. Attract the energy you want, not just in your fertility but in your life. You will feel so much better for it, I promise you that.
Love, Amber x